Dear Marc
You are a speeding truck on the wrong side of the road
A lonely wolf baring its teeth when pleading for sympathy
I do not know if I loved you
But I know the words burst from my lips enough to believe that I did
I know
The years have passed in bucketfuls and I can barely picture your face
But your voice
Your voice haunts me
At the end of telephone wires
Postlude to a droll ringing at 2 am
The interrupting nightmare in my dreams
Ever so silent pause before you speak
With the pseudonym of restricted
Behind anonymous codes of illegible numbers
Until your voice cuts the air to my sigh
Visualizing each breath I take into a ticking second
I lose out of my life
When you trick me into hearing that voice
You always ask me if I hate you
As if it matters
Fishing for the answer that will reel you back into my heart
Closed shop to your gifts of compliments
And corn syrup pasted promises
They taste dead to me
Like the memories of your tongue laying flat in my mouth
The taste of bittersweet lips ramming into my own
Like the smoky rotting kiss of death against my forehead
You always ask me if I love you
As if it matters
Drunk off your questions
I can't pick up the phone anymore
Fear swimming through my veins every time
I see numbers I can't recognize
Every restricted name waits like a preying beast
Growling its frustrations into me
Clawing insults into crosses against the skin of my cheek
Until I cannot even remember your real name anymore
There is a message waiting in my phone at 4 am
Tells me you died last night in a car accident
That the sender was told to inform me tonight
Your face reverberates through the corners of my mind
My breath pounds into the tragic symphony of my heartbeat
You are the thought blooming regret into my trembling skin
You are a boy flagging redemption like a cape down my spine
I want to strip myself of my contempt for you
And lay naked in the infatuation you bestowed upon me
I want to call this number to bury a prayer into your grave
Give this ringing an answer it's craved for years
And it is you
Alive
That voice I could hear in the silence before you speak
The ultimate trick to get the answer you wanted all along
Tell me,
Do you hate me or do you love me?
Now?
